YES, I know I have a sunburn.
It is no surprise that I am often referred to as a lobster in the summer months of the year. I don’t really even know why lobster is the crustacean of choice, but I guess it beats being called a crab—which is ironic because when I am sunburnt I am every ounce of crabby.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when a stranger feels the need point out to me, as if I don’t already know, how red my skin is. A guy on the beach said “Wow do you know you are really red?” No shit, Captain Obvious and you have a receding hairline.
Here are my other least favorite comments:
“OOooOo!! That looks like it hurts”—yeah, I’ll live.
“Did you put on any sunscreen?”—obviously not. I always hope that this will be the one time I don’t burn and get an actual tan.
“You look like a lobster”—I’d rather look like a lobster than a big fat hairy ape like you sir. Shave your back!
I mean seriously, do I go up to people and tell them they need to wax the sweaters off their backs or their bikini lines? NO! I DON’T! Because I don’t like to make people feel more embarrassed than they already are—or in their case, should be. Don’t ask me stupid questions about how burnt I am because YES I KNOW I HAVE FAIR SKIN.